6. The Train Office

Samuel has finally pushed himself into following his dream of writing for a TV show… but that doesn’t mean he can’t procrastinate to an unholy degree. On his way to a coffee shop to write, he’s distracted by the magnetic and devious Nessie MacLean, the CEO of a startup that turns trains into co-working spaces. Cam and Ally have to save Samuel, but does really he need to be saved? Yes, yes he does.

About

NEXT STOP is a Multitude production written and created by Eric Silver. You can read more about the show, including our full cast list and episode transcripts, at http://nextstopshow.com. We’re on Twitter and Instagram @NextStopShow. Join our Patreon (http://patreon.com/nextstopshow) to gain access to behind-the-scenes content, additional scenes, bloopers, and the opportunity to have your name included in the credits of Episode 10. Learn more about Multitude at http://multitude.productions

Credits

Written and Created by Eric Silver

Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Brandon Grugle

Executive Produced by Amanda McLoughlin

Assistant Directed, Casting, and Additional Editing by Julia Schifini

Starring 

Yemie Sonuga (she/her/hers) as Ally Lonergan

Nick Fondulis (he/his/him) as Cameron Chabon

Ian Henry Walls (he/his/him) as Samuel Clemens

With

Maya Rosewood (she/they) as Nessie McLean

Jo Young (she/her/hers) as Sam’s Mom

Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs (she/her/hers) as 311 Operator

Jessica Washington (she/her/hers) as 911 Operator

NJ Agwuna (she/her/hers) as Train Operator

Production

Music by Evan Cunningham

Additional Scoring by Brandon Grugle

Art by Allyson Wakeman

Script Consulting by Octavia Bray

Production Consulting by Lauren Shippen

Engineered by Cara Ehlenfeldt

This podcast was recorded under the SAG-AFTRA Collective Bargaining Agreement using a cash advance from Patreon. Read more about the production process, download our free resources for fiction podcasters, and find pronouns and bios for all cast and crew at http://nextstopshow.com

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Transcript

[NEXT STOP Theme plays]

[In the apartment, Samuel is throwing a pink Spalding ball against the ceiling. He drops it and exclaims. On the table next to him, his phone buzzes.] 

Samuel: Cameron! 

Cam (texting): Hey, I found a great photo of you two. Unfortch, that random bar-goer that you gave your phone to has the photo skills of two grandmothers asking each other how to turn off the flash, but I rotated it and threw on a filter and it looks great. Where was I for this one? 

Ally (texting): Mm, we do look cute.  

Samuel (texting): I’m already sending this to my mother as further proof that you are my friends. 

Cam (texting): Oh, no lol 

Ally (texting): Um, lol Cam! You’re in this too. Ha! Zoom. 

Cam (texting): Oh, no… Oh, I was coming back from the bathroom and didn’t notice... 

Ally (texting): Zoom more! 

Cam (texting): Why do I do the things I do? 

Samuel (texting): Are you sneezing? Or maybe trying out a new dance?  

Ally (texting): It looks like you’re dead. But also, alive? But mostly, murdered. 

Samuel (texting): Oh! Oh! Oh! I have an app for this - hold on, please. 

Samuel (texting): Attached - CamZoomedPhoto.JPEG. Caption: I have the black plague. Watch out, Europe. 

Samuel (texting): Attached - CamZoomedPhoto.JPEG. Caption: I can haz sneeze??? 

Samuel (texting): Attached - CamZoomedPhoto.JPEG. Caption: For medical reasons, I pooped. 

Cam (texting): HEY SAMUEL GO WRITE. 

Ally (texting): I am saving this in my special folder where I keep terrible photos of Cam. Don’t worry, Sam. I’ve made one for you as well. Also, he's right – go work. You’ve been procrastinating all morning. 

Samuel (texting): G-A-S-P, exclamation point! Gasp, I am not! I have never done such a thing! I just needed to do dexterity exercises. You know what they say, a limber hand is a working hand. 

Ally (texting): Gross. 

Cam (texting): V gross. 

Samuel (texting): Also, have you noticed that it’s both too loud and too quiet in the apartment, all at once? I did not know that was possible. 

Ally (texting): OMG, he’s spiraling. 

Cam (texting): Listen friend, I have a list of places where I go to write. 

Ally (texting): Ugh. Here we go... 

Cam (texting): Check it out: it’s a list that’s ranked by a complex algorithm of distance from the apartment, distance walking from train to coffee shop, how good the coffee is, how powerful the WiFi is, and if there’s pie. Here’s the link. 

Ally (texting): He calls it “Cam’s Current Curated Coffee Cabanas.” 

Cam (texting, simultaneous): I call it “Cam’s Current Curated Coffee Cabanas.” 

Ally (texting): Gottem. 

Cam (texting): The 5 C’s to ‘C’ Success. ‘C’ what I did there? 

Ally (texting): Yeah 

Cam (texting): My name is Cam, get it? 

Ally (texting): We get it. 

Samuel (texting): Haha lols, funny. Thank you, my friend. I am going to Fandango Tom’s. Far enough to take the train, and a new soundscape for my ears. 

Cam (texting): Smart move. They make a mean cobbler. 

Ally (texting): Attached - CamZoomedPhoto.JPEG - Caption: I ate too much cobbler and then I pooped. HA! 

Cam (texting): You try eating cobbler and not pooping! 

Ally (texting): Attached - CamZoomedPhoto.JPEG - Caption: You try eating cobbler and not pooping! 

[Musical stinger as we transition to Samuel walking up the stairs to the subway platform, talking to himself in a stream of self-affirmation.] 

Samuel: Alright, Samuel Clemens, you know what you have to do. You’re going to walk right in there, drop your bag, open your computer, order a mocha, smile at the cashier, wait for your mocha, grab it as soon as it comes out, wait for it to cool, connect to the WiFi as you wait for the mocha to cool, wait until it gets to cool sipping temperature, and as soon as it’s ready for sipping, sip it and then start writing that TV show you always wanted to write. Nothing is standing in your way. 

[The subway doors open to a train car that sounds like a quiet office, fax machine, water cooler and all. School desks are scattered throughout the car, facing the windows. Nessie is writing on a piece of paper furiously, like what you would do if you saw your boss walk by and had to look busy. But they’re the only one in the room.] 

Nessie (without looking up): Do you have an appointment? 

Samuel: Do I have… W-- For the train..? 

Nessie: To see me. 

Samuel: I didn't know you needed one, but I am kind of new to the city. 

Nessie: That’s alright. You can wait there. Jenkins will get you in a moment. 

[Samuel stands there as Nessie scribbles on and crumples up a piece of paper, then throws it at Samuel.] 

Nessie: Yes? How may I help you? 

Samuel: I... um, I mean you told me to wait right here? 

Nessie: Well, I don’t have all day. I’m sorry but you must leave. 

Samuel: Wait, wait, wait, no! But I can... um... Hey! What’s this company that you’re running here? 

Nessie: It’s called COMÜT. We’re the first populist work-on-demand solution... on a train. You know, space has the power to transform business. Unlock the potential of people and join the community - with COMÜT.  Here, have my business card.  

Samuel: “Nessie McLean. CEO, changemaker, inventor, born before their time.” 

Nessie: In the flesh. And bone. 

Samuel: I don’t mean to be that guy, but it says COM-OUT. 

Nessie: The U has an umlaut. It’s the letter of change. 

Samuel: Oh... yeah, yeah. Letter of change... of course.  

Nessie: We annex the bounty of the city for occupational change. You can rent a desk for 500 dollars a month, or a seat on the bench for 250. We’re working on an exclusive private car for 1,000. If you signed up for a private space now, I would be so grateful that I would tattoo the coordinates of this very spot upon my torso. 

Samuel: I...don’t think you need to do all that. Ha ha ha. But, um… First of all, I just need to ask… how you are able to use the train as a working space? Like, I mean, doesn’t it belong to the city? 

Nessie: Well, when anyone gets too close, I just yell nonsense at them. It doesn’t matter what I say, I just yell and it scares them off. 

[Someone walks into the subway car.] 

Nessie (yelling): Everyone knows Billy Joel was a pop legend but no one wants to give him his due because he’s not “cool” enough! 

Stranger: Okay, this is.... Not my stop. 

[The person runs away.] 

Nessie: See.  

Samuel: Wow. That was effective. Also, I’m with you. Billy Joel is great.  

Nessie: See? Exactly.  

Samuel: But, I do have to be on my way. I need to take the train to- 

Nessie: Write something. 

Samuel: ...how did you know that? 

Nessie: I know writers. Also, what are you doing going northbound on the Delta line at noon if you’re not gonna write somewhere? 

Samuel: Wow. 

Nessie: Listen, you seem sweet. You have the broad, smooth face of an unthreatening man who will text either way too much or way too little. Customers will trust you. How about I give you a free spot to work if you sign up, say, five other workers to join the community? 

Samuel: A spot to work? That’s perfect for me. How did you know? 

Nessie: I can read minds. Ha ha ha, I can’t-- 

Samuel (relieved): Oh, ha ha ha. 

Nessie (very serious): But what if I could? And I could just keep lying about it for my own benefit? That’s not what’s happening. Ha ha ha. But what if it was? It’s not. Ha ha ha. But what if it was? Jenkins, get him a name tag. 

[Nobody moves. A beat, then…] 

Samuel: Jenkins? No? Cool, um, I guess I’ll just uh... get that name tag for myself... Hi, my name is Samuel Clemens. 

[Musical stinger as we transition to Cam getting on the train at his work train stop. He’s jamming out to very loud pop punk music, which he is lightly singing along to as the train pulls up.] 

Cam (singing like no one’s listening): I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare! I’m just a kid and I know that it’s not fair! 

[The train pulls up as Cam is still singing to himself.] 

Cam: Nobody cares, cause I’m alone and the world is... 

Cam (finally looks up): Having more fun than me... tonight..? 

[The train has the low thrum of an office. People typing, people talking at a water cooler, a fax machine buzzing in the corner.] 

Cam: What is happening here? 

Samuel: Oh, yes! Yes, Mr. Johnson, I think you’re going to find your working bliss. Another sign up, Nessie. Let me ring the gong! 

Nessie: Okay. You earned it, champ. 

[Samuel exclaims excitedly and hits a small gong on Nessie’s desk.] 

Samuel: Oh! Oh my god! Cameron! Cameron! You’re here! Oh you must be here to join the working community. That is fantastic! I knew you had it in you. 

Cam: What... is... happening... 

Samuel: Oh, this? 

Cam: Yeah… 

Samuel: Oh, It’s called COMÜT. Yeah! It is the first populist work-on-demand solution... on a train! 

Cam: Okay, that makes... absolutely no sense. How can you even... who are all these people? 

Samuel: Oh! Oh you mean the new workers? Well, that’s Una, who just started her graphic design business. Her only clients are small batch sodas, which I think is pretty neat. That’s Thad, customer success manager. He, uh… He does… Well, him and customers, they uh...Okay so Thad actually won’t tell me what he does. But, y’know, he’s great! Oh, and our oldest client is TJ. He calls himself the Business Hessian - basically, he gets hired to look calm and collected at pitch meetings. A meeting mercenary. Oh! That might be better than Business Hessian. I gotta tell him. 

Cam: Samuel! I don’t care! Why are you here? 

Samuel: Oh, well this is my job. And I think I’m pretty good at it. 

Cam: You have a job. It’s writing your spec script. How did this– 

Nessie: Hi, sorry, couldn’t help but overhear and wanted to throw myself on this fire like a bucket of water or an entire cult following. Hi, Nessie MacLean, CEO of COMÜT. What seems to be the problem? 

Cam: Wait, like John McClain? 

Nessie: You know my brother John?  

Cam: What? 

Nessie: He’s a cop in New York City. 

Cam: What?! 

Nessie: We can talk about my brother all we want after we resolve this conflict. Sir, how may we be of service? 

Cam: Please release my roommate from the weird indentured servitude you’ve tricked him into. 

Nessie: Samuel? Absolutely not. He’s our best client specialist. 

Cam: Uh...He’s your only client specialist. 

Samuel: I’m employee of the month. 

Cam: This is out of control. Samuel, come on, man. Snap out of it. This whole thing is a wild sham. 

Samuel: Wild sh-- Cameron, you are not my mother. I can take care of myself. I am happy here and you know what? I’m good at what I do. 

Cam: You can’t be serious. 

Nessie: Sir, if you have a problem, you can talk to our customer relations team. This is their card. 

[Nessie hands Cam a card.] 

Cam: This is just a photo of you giving me the middle finger. 

Nessie: I think it’s self explanatory. 

Cam: Fine! You know what? Make your own terrible decisions. I won’t stop you. 

Samuel: Fine! 

Cam: Fine! 

Nessie: Fine! 

ALL: Fine! 

[A beat, then…] 

Cam: I have six more stops, I can’t stomp off in a huff. So I’m here, but I don’t want to be! 

[Musical stinger as we transition to the apartment. Ally is kicking it on the couch on her computer, watching Who’s Line Is It, Anyway?] 

Ally: Wayne Brady, you are a total babe and a total national treasure. Google: Is Wayne Brady married? Hmmm. You are also the perfect companion for me in life, and as I fill out these stupid interview questions. Ally (reading): “Describe a time when you had to rely on your greatest weakness.” My greatest weakness is that I don’t want to do this! Or have to leave the city to have a job that is actually fulfilling! Or consider the ramifications it might have on my friends!  

[Cam storms in, slams the door, and huffs. Ally slams her computer shut.] 

Ally: Hey buddy, whom I absolutely love and adore and I would never ever ever ever ever keep any secrets in my life from, how was work? 

Cam (screaming): I’ve had it up to here, Ally! Up to here! If you were looking at me you’d know that I’m holding my arms above my head! That’s how much I’ve had it! 

Ally: Easy... I haven’t seen you this riled up since Oreo made red velvet cookie filling thing. 

Cam: How do you even know if it’s red velvet?! The subtleties of the flavor cannot be communicated in cookie form! 

Ally: That’s right, funnel your anger towards the cookie.  

Cam: Wait, wait, wait, Ally, I’m serious. We got a huge problem. Samuel is now working for someone on the train! Who is renting spots on the train to people who want to work? This has to be illegal and terrible for our sweet stringbean man. 

Ally: Someone on the train? What do they look like? 

Cam: Severe haircut. Multiple nose rings. Like they dropped out of business school to be the bassist in a riot grrrrl band and then went back to business school. 

Ally: Oh, yeah, I totally know who that is. They were on the train platform trying to sell me a Zune as a family heirloom like two weeks ago. I think a bunch of teens bought it for like, fifty dollars. A Zune! 

Cam: They’ve struck before! A menace. 

Ally: Or a wacky thread in this great tapestry we call living in the city. 

Cam: But what if one of the threads in the tapestry is poison? And the blanket would slowly poison you, like mercury poisoning, causing you to go mad? 

Ally: That’s not how thread works. Or poison. Or mercury! 

Cam: Listen, Ally, if I got caught up in some sort of multi-level marketing scheme, would you try to save me? 

Ally: Yeah, probably. But I’d totally let you get wound up so I could pull you out dramatically later and someone could make a Lifetime movie about us. Millions we would make! Millions! 

Cam: You’d do that? 

Ally: Oh my god! Of course! You’re my bestie.  

Cam: Aw. 

Ally: Okay, I got one. Would you still be friends with me if I only wore one color? 

Cam: Would the colors change? 

Ally: Yeah! I would wear the same color for a week, then change. Like Week 1: purple. Week 2: yellow. Week 3: chartreuse. 

Cam: Shoes match? 

Ally: Everything matches. 

Cam: I would still be friends with you. Then you could fulfill my high school fantasy and buy 20 pairs of converse in different colors.  

Ally: Fair. 

Cam: Would you still be friends with me if I was super into Doctor Who? 

Ally: No. 

Cam: Okay, what if I was only into the old version of Doctor Who? 

Ally: That’s even worse. 

Cam: Okay, what if I was only into that one with the weirdly long scarf? 

Ally: That is less worse, but still no. Please move out. 

Cam (in a bad cockney accent): I will not! The time is all timey-whimley! 

Ally (in an even worse cockney accent): Pip pip, I’m the Doctor, larger on the inside, innit, gov’na? 

[They continue trading bad British impressions back and forth. In the middle, Samuel opens the door and everything stops.] 

Samuel (walking past them to his room): Allyson. Cameron. Greetings. 

Ally: Samuel, that was a very strong choice and I do not approve. How’s it going? 

Samuel: Well. I am working for a better future for us all. 

Cam: Did you write anything today, buddy? 

Samuel: I didn’t need to. I sold something. Good day. 

[Samuel slams the door to his room.] 

Ally: Oh no, this is bad. 

Cam: I know. He even admitted that he didn’t write anything.  

Ally: That is peak procrastination – when you know you’re doing it and you’re okay with it. 

Cam: We gotta save him. 

Ally: Oh my gosh. Yes. Absolutely we have to save him. I do not have anything else I should be doing, especially not related to my own life and my own future. We should be helping Samuel 1,000% because I do not have anything that I have to do. 

Cam: What? 

Ally: I didn’t say anything. I mean, yeah, let’s do it, my day is completely free. Do you have a plan? 

Cam: Oh, I have ideas. At least five ideas we can do in a row. 

[WHOOSH as the montage starts. Ally punches in some phone numbers. The phone rings.] 

Ally: Yes, information? I’d like to report a fraudulent business. 

311 Operator: Great. Um, can you give me the name of the business? 

Ally: COMÜT. With an umlaut. 

311 Operator: Ah, I have a specific script for this. Ahem. “The Information Bureau cannot do anything about Nessie MacLean. They are a virus that will live with the city forever, like getting mono when you were thirteen. It’s not our fault, we just need to deal with it now. If you have any follow up questions, oops sorry, uh oh, the call is breaking up. Bye.” 

Ally: Hello? Information?  

[The 311 Operator hangs up. Whoosh.] 

Cam: Disinformation campaign starts now. Let’s see how long you can survive with terrible Yelp scores. 

Cam (typing on his phone): 1 out of 5 stars from PBandCam1991. They kicked me out of my subway car after I paid. And there was trash everywhere. And I think I saw a rat on there. Terrible! Send. Gottem. 

[A response chimes from his phone.] 

Cam: How did they send such a quick response?  

Cam (reading): “This is my roommate, Cam. He doesn’t believe in me and he never puts the toilet seat down. Please delete comment. From MyNameIsSamuelClemensReally.” Really?! 

[Whoosh.] 

Ally: Yes, police? I’d like to report a crime. 

911 Operator: Okay. What happened? 

Ally: Well, it didn’t happen to me, it happened to my friend. 

911 Operator: Uh, huh. 

Ally: This person! This person was taking up an entire subway car for their business. 

911 Operator: Uh, huh... 

Ally: And they kidnapped my friend? 

911 Operator: Really? 

Ally: Well... no. But! But! He went because it was a job-- 

911 Operator: Got it. Sorry, oops, uh oh, the phone call is breaking up. Bye. 

Ally: They’re COMÜT! With an umlaut! 

[WHOOSH. Cam is standing on the train platform.] 

Cam: They can’t leave if they can’t close the doors! Ha ha! 

[A train arrives, Cam stands in the doors triumphantly.] 

Train Announcer: Stand clear of the closing doors. 

[The doors continuously close on Cam, the announcer continuously says “stand clear of the-, stand cle-, stand clear-” and Cam goes OOF and OUCH each time.] 

Cam: It’s man over machine today! 

[Cam screams in pain and eventually stumbles out from between the doors, back onto the platform.] 

Cam: This was a terrible plan. 

[WHOOSH. Ally dials in a phone number. The phone rings.] 

Ally: Yes, Samuel’s Mom? We need your help. I’d like to report a fraudulent business. 

Samuel’s Mom: Oh, honey, I would love to help you, but- sorry, oops, uh oh, the call is breaking up. Bye! 

Ally: Why is everyone doing that to me?! 

[Whoosh. Ally walks in from her room where she’s been making the calls. Cam is banging around in the kitchen.] 

Ally: I’m out of ideas. I called - oh my god. What is that smell? Ugh. Did the Atlantic Ocean get drunk with the Pacific Ocean and then vomit all the jagerbombs they drank in our apartment? 

Cam (with a gas mask on): Close! I got rotten tuna cans. I’ll throw them in the COMÜT office, they’ll hate the smell, run out, and I win. I call it the Aquatic Bomb. 

Ally: And that will get Samuel back how? 

Cam: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But mostly, Nessie will lose and I’m coming out on top. 

Ally: Oh my god, it’s in my mouth, how did it get in my mouth?! 

[The microwave dings.] 

Cam: I only grabbed one gas mask from the gas mask supply store. So you’re on your own. 

Ally: Why would you do that? You’re a dickhead. Why can’t you ever just think about me for once? God! Listen, it was fun trying to mess with someone who’s company has way less vowels than it should - like who uses an umlaut? Umlaut! What the heck is that even called? But Samuel can come back on his own. Oh my god-- He didn’t want to do the thing that he should be doing, so instead he took something more fun. That’s really it. And dude? I can relate. So let him go. 

Cam: No! No! No! You don’t get it. We need to destroy Nessie. And I finally have the solution. 

[Cam sloshes the nasty bag of tuna.] 

Ally (screaming): Oh my god, Cam, go outside with that nasty fish punishment now! Cam! 

Cam: Suit yourself. I’ll see you on the other side, soldier. Godspeed. Cam (chanting): I don’t know what I’ve been told, this bag of fish is nasty mold. Open up Nessie! I’m coming! 

[Cam triumphantly walks out the door, laughing maniacally. Ally pulls it together, stops gagging, and jumps on the couch, putting Who’s Line? back on.] 

Ally: Oh, Wayne Brady. You’re always so effortless, whether improving doo wop songs or hosting a morning game show. God, you’re a babe! I wish I could be more like you, you know? Just deal with whatever’s happening no matter what and not care about the ridiculousness. Wait a tick, govna. That’s it! Wayne Brady, you attractive bastard, you! Wait for me! 

[Ally runs out the door with the TV still on. She runs back in.] 

Ally: I’ll record this for later. 

[She runs back out. Musical stinger as we transition to the COMÜT office.] Nessie: Samuel, you are a perfect man. The United Nations should issue a warning halting all procreation because we’ve already done it, stop having babies everywhere! 

Samuel: Aw, I mean I don’t think the UN can do that. But I appreciate that, Nessie. I love making people happy and letting them work. But now I seriously have to get down to my own work. 

Nessie: Hold on, I have some ideas I want to run by you. I’m thinking of expanding. Maybe three cars on the Delta line, a bunch in Alpha and Omega, gotta keep tabs on all parts of the market. A car in the front of the line just so the investors think we’re real risk-takers. 

Samuel: Oh, bold. Risky. Edgy. I mean, I guess this could work but do you really think we can recreate what we did here? 

Nessie: We? I mean you. You’ll by my prophet, spreading the good COMÜT word everywhere. 

Samuel: Wow… Wait, wait, no. No. Listen, Nessie I would love to do that, like I would really love to do that. But I should get to work on writing something. I haven’t opened a document since I met you. 

[The train stops at Johnson Avenue, where Cam runs on.] 

Cam: I got you now, COMÜT! I have the ultimate weapon! 

[Cam proudly holds the bag of tuna out for everyone to see. Everyone gags.] 

Samuel: What are those, dead body parts, Cam?! 

Nessie: Nightmares but turned into smells?! 

Cam: Close! Just some nasty fish! Here comes the Aquatic Bomb! I’m gonna throw it! I’m gonna do it! I swear I will! Don’t you test me! 

[A panic of activity as Cam threatens the car. Nessie is unfazed.] 

Cam: Uh...What, Nessie, you don’t care about the cleanliness of your office?! 

Nessie: Oh, I do. When you throw it, the city will come in and clean their train car. And then I’ll take a quick photo and post it to my robust social media following, and you’ll be a new meme. I can see the headline on AverageBear now - This Fishy Fish Thrower is the Worst Part about City Living! 

Cam: Oh well that... that is a good one. 

[Ally runs on, a little out of breath.] 

Ally: Everyone, just stop! Stop! 

Cam: I’m not gonna do it now. She ruined my confidence. 

Ally: You know what? This whole thing, this whole weird office thing you got going on here? Whatever. 

Nessie: Whatever? 

Ally: Whatever. You can have it. There’s like 15 other cars we can move to. Who cares? 

Cam: I... I didn’t consider I could just... not. 

Ally: Yeah. You can just not. And Samuel, you have enough money. I know you do. I’ve seen the spreadsheets, man they are extensive. Stop seducing people with your sweet tall boy charm and go and write. I’ll buy you earplugs, and you can wear sound-reducing headphones over them so you can figure out the perfect ratio of sound to not sound that you so desire. 

Samuel: Oh… Oh my gosh. I get it, Ally ...I’m procrastinating. 

Ally: Yeah babes. You’re procrastinating. 

Samuel: Oh wow... Um. Nessie… I’m sorry, but I think I must tender my resignation. But thank you for believing in me. 

Nessie: Uh uh uh. I refuse your resignation. I will resign myself from the Earth if you walk out. 

Samuel: Nessie, friend. Just let it go. This is my stop. 

Ally: Okay... Let’s go. 

[The train chimes and the doors open. Ally and Samuel walk out.]  

Ally: Cam. Cam? 

Cam: I have one more thing to say to you, you terrible, irredeemable demon from the eighth circle of Dante’s Inferno... 

[The door dings and begins to close.] 

Cam: Aw, no, ah, I thought I had more time. Uh... uh... uh.. you suck! Bye! Cam (from behind closed doors): Gottem! 

Ally (behind closed doors): Yeah. Sure you did. Glad to have you back. Let’s go. 

Cam (behind closed doors): Yeah, I just need to drop this fish bag off.  

Ally (behind closed doors): Yeah don’t bring that back with us.  

Samuel (behind closed doors): Please get rid of it.  

Ally (behind closed doors): Okay. Let’s get bear claws. 

Samuel (behind closed doors): Aw! Bear claws! Yes! 

[The train departs. Nessie taps their pen against the side of their desk. They sigh, look around at everyone else silent, and holler.] 

Nessie: Alright, nothing to see here. Everyone – go back to what you were doing? Okay. (beat) Now! 

[The hum of the office returns as Nessie leans back in their chair.] 

Nessie: Well, I’ll make like my three misdemeanors and never think about them ever again. Jenkins - what’s next on the agenda? I want to be rude to someone in the next few hours, but they won’t realize I was rude until much later in the week. 

[NEXT STOP outro plays] 

NEXT STOP is a Multitude Production created by Eric Silver. You can find our full cast list, credits, and transcripts at NextStopShow.com